Opening Crawl Narration
The opening crawl narration is delivered at the beginning of every regular season and live episode. It is read by Jeremy Crutchley. Each season has a unique introductory one-time opening crawl to kick off the season, switching over to a recurring narration used for most of the remainder of the season, and often using another one-time crawl in the season finale. When the podcast features minor characters as leading characters in the show's penultimate season episode tradition, a one-time variation of the narration is presented from that perspective. Season 1 Series Introduction, Episode 100: Welcome Aboard the Bargarean Jade "The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. It’s totally less evil. Now to restore diplomatic relations between systems, the Federated Alliance has deployed teams of ambassadors throughout the galaxy. The Alliance’s newest recruit, a young farm boy named Pleck Decksetter steps aboard the starship Bargarean Jade to embark on his first diplomatic mission: a MISSION. TO. ZYXX!" Season 1 Introduction, Episode 101: All Hail the Federated Alliance! "The period of civil war has ended. In the aftermath of the Battle of Sistoo the rebels have overthrown the evil Galactic Monarchy and in its place established the just and benevolent Federated Alliance. It’s definitely an improvement and totally not a lateral move. Now, to restore diplomatic relations between systems, the Federated Alliance has deployed teams of ambassadors throughout the galaxy to bring a message of peace to every inhabited world. The pay is six Kroons per hour. Which seems sort of low, all things considered. In the farthest reaches of the Tremillion Sector, a young farm boy named Pleck Decksetter embarks with his crew on his first assignment: a daring journey to the remote and mysterious Zyxx Quadrant. Aboard the starship, The Bargarean Jade they set out to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is their mission: a MISSION. TO. ZYXX!" Season 1 Standard and Finale, Episodes: 102-116, 118, L01-L03 "The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and have established the harmonious Federated Alliance. Now, ambassador Pleck Decksetter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is MISSION. TO. ZYXX." Season 1 Penultimate, Episode 117: The One with the Council of Seven "It is a time of peace, harmony and all around good vibes in the galaxy right now. Despite what you might have heard in certain quadrants, The Federated Alliance has never been stronger and the wise and all knowing Council of Seven has everything under control. They are seven best friends and they are making this galaxy a batter place. Deep within the stately Alliance dome on the capital world of Quantaris the Council of Seven convenes to assess the rebel threat, strategize on the impending war against the K’hekk, and decide whether it looks cooler for all of them to wear their hoods up, or keep it casual and leave them down. This is the COUNCIL. OF. SEVEN!" Season 1 Post-Finale, Episode L04: My 3 Son "It is a period of civil war. Again. Or still. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, former Alliance Ambassador Pleck Decksetter and his intrepid crew return to the Zyxx Quadrant, the most distant, crappy corner of the galaxy, and into the heart of an epic battle of Fresh versus Wack. This is: MISSION. TO. ZYXX!" Season 2 Season 2 Introduction, Episode 201: Long Live The Rebellion! "It is a period of civil war. I can’t believe I’m saying that again, we just finished the last one, but here we are. A heroic team of ambassadors has destroyed the administrative starship Delegator dealing a crippling blow to the evil and corrupt Federated Alliance. Also, Wink ate that guys face. Now aboard The Bargarean Jade former ambassador Pleck Decksetter and his crew have returned to the most distant, crappy, quadrant of the galaxy to escape the Alliance’s vengeful agents and to attempt to rendezvous with rebel forces who operate from a hidden base and are terrible at returning calls. In the bustling alleyways of the desert moon of Crimf, three figures make their way through the crowd in search of a familiar facade. Traitors to the alliance and strangers to the Rebellion, they have no choice but to set out on their own mission. A MISSION. TO. ZYXX!" Season 2 Standard, Episodes: 202-218, L05-L07 "It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance. Now, Rebel Emissary Pleck Decksetter and his crew travel the father reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is MISSION. TO. ZYXX." Season 2 Penultimate, Episode 219: Tiny Toots' Adventures It is a period of civil war, but things are still pretty chill. Sure, the Federated Alliance is headed to the hidden rebel base, but as far as the best crew in the Zyxx Quadrant is concerned, that just means more asses to kick. Still basking in adoration from having definitely blown up The Delegator, rebel Emissary Turk Mannaket and his attractive, but super humble crew, travel farther and faster than any other emissary team to explore rad and exotic new worlds, repeatedly confirm their obvious heroism, and sign holographs for fawning bug creatures and stuff. This is: TINY. TOOTS'. ADVENTURES! Season 2 Finale, Episode 220: Crush Into Me "The period of Galactic Civil War has reached it dramatic climax and the Federated Alliance has left the Rebellion with no way out. Six fearsome planet crushers have surrounded the hidden Rebel base where a motley army gathers for the fight for their lives. Inside a Rebel hangar bay, Emissary Pleck Decksetter and his intrepid crew prepare to board the Bargarean Jade awaiting deployment into the cross hairs of Alliance fighters. Now they must trust in each other, The Space, and Beano to face a threat unlike any they have ever encountered on their MISSION. TO. ZYXX!" Season 3 Season 3 Introduction, Episode 301: Down With the Emperor! "The Galaxy has fallen under the shadow of Nermut Bundaloy - not that one, the other one. Six months have passed since The Battle of the Planet Crushers where Gunther Ballwheat annihilated the Council of Syxx, destroyed the Rebellion, changed his name and crowned himself Emperor of the Galaxy. Thanks to Beano's noble sacrifice, former Rebel Emissary Pleck Decksetter and his crew have escaped the Emperors clutches, fleeing to the opulent entertainment planet Holowood, where their starship, The Bargarean Jade, has abandoned them for the intoxicating trappings of fame. Without passage back to the distant Zyxx Quadrant our intrepid heroes have separated and gone into hiding. While the Emperors power continues to grow. Will they answer the call to defend the galaxy from Wackness and bring balance to The Space? Only if they can find one another, steel their courage, and set out on another MISSION. TO. ZYXX!" Season 3 Standard, Episodes: 302-318, partial in 319 "It is a time of fear and unrest. Emperor Nermut Bundaloy rules the galaxy with an iron fist. And also a planet crusher crusher. Now, Zima Knight Pleck Decksetter and his intrepid crew, travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to defeat Wackness, bring balance to the Space, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This, is MISSION. TO. ZYXX." Season 3 Penultimate, Episode 319: Pump Up the Justice! "Sentients, sentients, order, order, order! (laughs) Who am I kidding, go nuts! This is Holowood baby, and court is in session! Let's do this! Honorable Judge Hastooie Winko presiding. You might remember me from ten straight years of announcing the hottest Zy Ball holothon ever. You're tuned into: PUMP UP THE JUSTICE!" Season 3 Finale, Episode 320: The Emperor Strikes Wack "Well, we're back where we started: in Holowood, and in a juck-load of trouble. Our intrepid crew has worked tirelessly for months assembling the pieces of a new insurgency to defeat Emperor Nermut Bundaloy. But their time has run out. In a crowded Holowood courtroom, The Bargarean Jade awaits the verdict in her trial for financial murder. C-53 has encountered a critical error. And the birth of Dar's offspring is imminent. The fabled Zimas have proven to be little help and the evil Sparx Knights grow in power every day. Even AJ's tube has broken. Now Papa Pleck Decksetter must gather his courage, his friends, and his Dinglehopper and take down the emperor before it's too late. Will he fulfill his destiny at last? The answers await them on their: MISSION. TO. ZYXX!" Trivia * The Season 3 standard opening crawl is interrupted in episode 319 as someone changes channels to listen to the show Pump Up the Justice, featuring the trial of The Bargarean Jade. This is the only time a Jeremy Crutchley read narration is not completed for a standard or live episode of the podcast. The alternate version of the narration for that episode is delivered by the character Judge Hastooie WInko, voiced by Seth Lind. Category:Meta